November 30th, 2009

Alright, now that I have a little time to breathe this week (I have been working next to constantly this week) I am able to get down to studying my cards a little bit closer and spending some time with them. I did two readings this morning-fairly simple little daily spreads, two cards, theme of the day and advice, for myself and my best friend, Margot. (Name changed).

Speaking of Margot, not too long ago I had done some readings she had asked me to do about her children-who don't yet exist, in fact she is just beginning to plan her wedding. Both readings were done in Celtic Cross Spreads with my Rider-Waite-Smith deck of course. The first time I was just thinking generally about her having children (How children will affect her life) and when I finally laid down the cards I just got a terrible sadness/heartache feeling from the cards. There were lots of blacks and grays and the 8, 9, and 10 of swords were all there. I picked the cards up immediately after writing down the positions and tried again, telling myself I didn't ask what she wanted to know anyway. So again I laid the cards and thought something more along the lines of how her children will be themselves and again more negative feelings and not wonderful cards, so I wrote down positions and picked up the cards and told her maybe she will have trouble having children (one of the feelings I got from the cards) and left it at that. Then today for her theme card there was the 10 of swords. Maybe it is just me…but whenever I read for her I always get cards that I think of negatively on first. I know I only think they are negative because I do not know them well enough, and of course there are good sides to every card, I know, but I just get terrible feelings with some of her readings. Does anyone know what to make of that??

I pulled the Emperor to study today. I do not like this card. Perhaps I should say that perhaps I am unfamiliar with this card's true meaning and that is why I show no affection toward it whatsoever. But I don't think that is true. I understand what he represents, what he stands for, what the numerology declares about him, I have dissected every symbol, color, and myth linked to this card and still, I have no hint of pleasure when I see him. I think the only thing I like about this card is the stone carved rams into the throne he is sitting upon, which I perceive to mean stubbornness, power, and the inability to change…but maybe that is only the activist feminist in me talking [wink]. A thought just crossed me. I have not the greatest relationship with my father at the moment…perhaps since this is the 'father' figure card, this is why I just cannot stand it, but I don't think so, seeing as I just thought of that. And don't get me wrong, I am not generally a radical feminist. I am only a feminist in the way that I believe that men and women sometimes have different thought processes…but that is the extent of my feminist-ocity. All I can fathom to say about the card study today is thank [the higher power/those who watch over us] that I don't have to do it again.

I was reading through something someone wrote on AT [Umbrae's guide to reading with others]. It mentioned something about recognizing and voicing the flashes of scenes and feelings in order to develop the skill to become more accurate and frequent with these flashes. This is something I'd like to work on. I think it is fascinating. Also because of this story/guide I have decided to write in my tarot journal with pencil-if only just to remind me of the atmosphere of it :-]

 

P.S. The reason I picked Margot for my best friend's 'cover' name is because they both start with 'M' and I am listening to Margot and the Nuclear So & So's. If perhaps you were wondering.